#1.) DO start with great friends, preferably ones you don’t mind being squished against – as later, when you are in extremely over-packed, humid, and sweaty carnival streets – personal space is NOT an option.

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#2.) DO offer to fork over 3 bucks for an extremely accurate test which analyzes your handwriting in a ridiculously high-tech machine and tells you all about yourself. Notice the multi-colored lights in the background, as well as the buttons that look like they were stolen off of a microwave. I’m tellin’ ya…HIGH TECH.

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#3) DO offer to fork up 2 more dollars, making a grand total of 5 bucks for the “Bonus Personality and Love Life Package!”, recommended highly by Concetta, the extremely over-qualified Handwriting Analyst Associate, located in “Booth tree, right afta booth too”.

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#4.) DON’T scour the feast for even a slightly healthy dinner option, only to settle for Sausage and Peppers, have a picture taken of you eating the aforementioned Acid Reflux, and look at the picture only to notice the huge VEGETARIAN sign behind you. (As well as giggle, when you notice the word “Balls” by your left ear).

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(Also, DON’T wear an outfit that makes random strangers come up to you and tell you their order, as you uncannily resemble an Applebee’s waitress.)

5.) DO follow the lead of an elder, more wise blogger who finagles her way into getting every chica in the group into a 5 dollar wine tasting for 3 dollars instead. (Thanks Caitlin).

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6.) DO take the opportunity to watch others taking pictures…

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And jump right in because, well, who DOESN’T love pictures?

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7.) DO play extremely hard carnival games….

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and REALLY challenge yourself by sitting next to a five-year-old.

8.) DO go to J.P. Lick’s to cool down…

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9.) And DO steal most some your boyfriend’s cookie dough topping because you regretted not getting it yourself.

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10.) DO always have your parka around in any event there is an extreme temperature drop and the second Ice Age becomes a very real possibility…

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And finally…

11.) DON’T ever sport a purple satchel if you are a male,

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……even if “going green” is totally hot.